


You're everything; I'm still waiting

by GreenSerpent



Series: Eremin Week (Oct 19 - Oct 25) [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst and Tragedy, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 03:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2493461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenSerpent/pseuds/GreenSerpent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>About the longing and despair of a certain Lord Arlert. (Eremin Week - Day 2: Knights and Princes)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're everything; I'm still waiting

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a super late fanfic for Eremin Week day two. I'm really sorry I couldn't post it before, let me explain why I didn't. First, I have to use salbutamol for my asthma and it gives me headaches, plus I'm always sleepy, though I don't know the reason, and I just couldn't concentrate on this one. I have this idea since last week but didn't bring myself to write anything and, when I tried, it was so hard! I think I'm having a writer's block... Another thing is that find it hard to write something angsty, I'm more of a domestic/fluff kind of girl, as you can notice reading my other fanfics. This one was a big challenge and I still don't think it turned as good as I imagined it would be. I changed the original plot I thought of and... Well. It's a silly fanfic and they're a bit out of character, which is something I don't like, but I tried to bring out a Middle Age feeling to it, inspired by Galego-Portuguese poetry from that time (I have a subject on college in which we have to study that) and this is what came out. And if anyone read this note until now, I'd like to recommend a song to go along with it, it's called Anata ni Deawanakereba, by Aimer, and, if possible, look at the lyrics, then you'll understand why I'm mentioning this specific song; plus, the name for this one-shot is a line from it. And a last note: excuse my failed attempt to make them sound formal; my English sucks like always. As usual, enjoy!

            He woke up by himself. The empty room made his presentiment get stronger. _No, he will come back alive._ The troops had been away for the war for almost two months now. He had to get up and do his daily tasks, but his tight chest wouldn’t let him concentrate on his studies again, he was sure. The night Eren left him for the battlefield happened so long ago it didn’t even feel like it existed. Armin went to the window and looked outside, only to see a crowd of people.

 

            “They are back! Eren is…”

 

            The castle was so big, he ran down the stairs and the halls, but it seemed he would never reach the outside. Some servants tried to stop him to ask what was happening to their Lord, but Armin never stopped. When he finally got out of the castle, he found that it would be hard to find Eren, as there was too many people on the grounds. Some of the knights were severely hurt and the vision made Armin’s heart get even tighter than before. He needed to see Eren, his beloved, the one and only in his heart, he needed to make sure he had come back to him safe and sound. Armin then went into the sea of people outside the castle in hopes he would know Eren’s whereabouts. He did not want to give in to the feeling he had, he should have hope. Eren was back, wasn’t he?

 

            “Lord Arlert, what are you doing here? You should be in your room, it’s dangerous here, you could get a disease, as there are many wounded here.”

 

            Armin could not recognize the person who stopped him, it was probably some servant, but his mind was focused only on finding Eren. He looked at the face of the man and thought for a few seconds.

 

            “Have you seen a knight called Eren von Yeager?”

            “I am sorry, I am afraid I did not see him. You should ask someone later. Now, you should come back inside, it is dangerous here.”

            “I will be back to the castle soon, I promise.”

 

            Armin looked around and didn’t find Eren. He was interrupted by other people, but never stopped looking for his beloved. His heart beat was so fast he felt like he was going to faint; he couldn’t find Eren anywhere. _He must be here somewhere, he must be inside, looking for me, he is here, I know, he…_

 

            “Lord Arlert, is there something wrong?” Once again, somebody interrupted his search. It was one of the guards of the castle.

            Armin couldn’t respond at first. He looked at the man’s face and realized he must have been looking desperate, as even the guard noticed there was something wrong with him. He tried to put himself together. “No, I… I am looking for a friend, a knight who should have come back with the troop, his name is Eren von Yeager, have you seen him?”

            “I did not see him nor have I heard anything about his whereabouts. Is Yeager your friend? If it is your wish, we will promptly look for him, he must be with another group, if he is not here with this one. Someone informed me there are a few knights who stayed behind coming this afternoon.”

            “Oh, I see. Thank you very much, if you can look for him, I will be glad. I will go back inside now.”

 

* * *

 

            He had met Eren a few years back. Armin had never gone to the balls his father, Duke of Arlert, had given, as he was too shy, but then at the age of fourteen, the Duke did not admit his youngest son, now an adult, would still be hiding in the library. Armin didn’t want to go, but all the same, he went. The room was full of people he had never seen and he was nervous, but it became worse when he saw another man, probably a little older than himself. He couldn’t settle down nor take his eyes away from him, though he feared their gazes would meet. He heard from some ladies nearby that the man was called Eren von Yeager, a brave knight who, at the age of seventeen, had already his heroic feats, helping with the Duke’s army wins for the last three battles they engaged in. He didn’t want to admit it himself, but he became infatuated with the other man. He saw him again in a few other occasions, but it took a long time until they first spoke to each other, after two years of admiring the knight from afar, two years of fearing he would not return from the battles he fought, two years of yearning, of imagining how good it would be if it was possible for them to even exchange a look without Armin’s face turning pink.

            It was at a party; it was always on parties that Armin saw Eren. He didn’t get to see him much, as he was always travelling for battles, but that night Eren was there, shining under the candle lights, as handsome as ever. Armin had decided he was going to talk to the man that night, he never knew when of if he was going to come back from the battles he fought so bravely. Armin did not know how to speak with the other man and it started to make him anxious. He couldn’t make a move towards Eren for the whole night and he was almost giving up and the party was almost over. Armin was about to leave, however, he was interrupted by a insistent woman who tried to lure him into her conversations, but he simply did not want to talk to anyone, he just wanted to leave…

 

            “Excuse me.” Armin couldn’t believe it, it was Eren! He was talking to the woman beside Armin. “That gentleman over there is asking if you would please have a dance with him.” Both her and Armin were surprised. Eren couldn’t be… He gave her a charming smiled and continued. “He would be very glad to have you as his dance partner, but is too shy to come and ask you.”

            She was clearly embarrassed and considered for a few seconds the proposal. “Oh, if Lord Arlert does not mind…”

            “Y-you may go.” Armin simply said.

            “Lord Arlert, I hope I did not interfere with anything.” Eren stood beside him as they watched the woman going in the direction of the man who was pointed to her. They looked at each other and Armin thought he would die and he hoped his face didn’t give him away, although he could feel his face burning.

            “Oh no. You saved me.” He looked at the woman again, who was now dancing. Eren had really saved him. Could it be he did on purpose? “Thank you.”

            “Let me introduce myself, I am Eren von Yeager, a knight under the service of your father, the great Duke of Arlert.” He said while bowing. Armin couldn’t believe that was really happening.

            Armin didn’t know what to reply. He was good with words, but this time it seems they ran away from his mind. There was a pause of a few seconds until he could say something. “It seems you know who I am, so I do not think I should introduce myself.”

            “You are known by everybody in this room, being who you are.”

            “Although I do not know half of the people present tonight.”

            “The ones you do not know would be disappointed to hear that, especially the women, such as the one I asked my friend to dance with.”

           

            Eren had really done that on purpose. It meant he noticed Armin’s troubles with the woman. He couldn’t be happier.

 

* * *

 

 

            Eren and Armin only got closer after that conversation they shared. Armin gradually felt comfortable talking to the other man, but his heart always beat faster whenever Eren was around. He would often be found by the one he was infatuated with while he was reading on library. Armin never minded the intrusion and they would always talk about Eren’s adventures outside the castle grounds and the books Armin read. To Armin, who never left the Castle, it felt surreal hearing what is there, outside the walls that surround his father’s property. He wished Eren would take him outside and they would both find the wonders that were waiting for them in the big, big world. A few weeks passed after the party and it was then that they received the news that Eren would have to go to another mission, another battle. Armin’s thoughts became grim. What if he didn’t return? They were finally friends, he did not want to see Eren leave if it meant the possibility of him not coming back. They would leave in two mornings and had to get ready; Armin did not see Eren anymore.

            When it was the night before the knights left the castle, Eren came to Armin’s room. He felt the need to hold Eren and never let him leave, but contained himself. They had never touched each other, not even the slightest brush of hand, how could he hold the other man? It was disrespectful, forbidden, but all the same he wanted to feel how warm the other man’s body was, how the touch of his hand felt against his own.

 

            “Since we will be leaving tomorrow, I thought I had to come and see you one last time. I am sorry to come to your room, but I could not reach you before. If anyone catches me here, I sure am a dead man, though it is worth coming.”

            “Do not speak of last time nor about being dead! You will come back, after all, and I would not let anyone kill you.” Armin was surprised he raised his voice like that. Eren’s words made his fear grow stronger. Now he was afraid of Eren’s reaction, such was his audacity to be saying those words like that. Eren smiled faintly and looked at him.

            “I am never sure of that.” He sighed and made a happier face, Armin thought he was trying to cheer him up. “I wanted to tell you something.”

            His cheeks felt hotter than usual. What could Eren be trying to tell him? “What is it?”

            “I enjoyed the time we spent together. You are a great friend and I humbly hope you consider me as a friend too, despite me being just a knight, Lord.”

 

            Armin felt happy that Eren considered him as a friend so much that he actually told him something like that, but also felt a little guilty for having forbidden feelings towards the other man. Seeing Eren ready to leave for a mission like that made him feel like the world did not make sense and he was overwhelmed with a will to be bold for once in his life.

 

            “I have two requests before you leave.”

            Eren didn’t hesitate. “Tell me and I will answer your wishes.”

            Armin breathed and looked for the right words to say. He was so afraid Eren would refuse his wishes and never look at him again, but now was the time. He had a feeling that was the last time they would be seeing each other and, as much as he wanted to shake that feeling away, it was too strong. He had to.

 

“The first one is that I want you to call me my name, my given name.”

            Eren widened his eyes. Armin was in a higher level of nobility, he couldn’t just call his name like that. “But how can I? I am in no position to…”

            “Please. I allow you to do it.”

           

            For a few seconds, Eren just looked at Armin and he could tell the knight was gathering the courage to say it. If anyone saw the scene, they’d be shocked, horrified. They both knew the things they were doing weren’t allowed, but to Armin it didn’t mind, he needed to hear from Eren’s lips his own name.

 

            “Armin.” The sound coming from Eren’s lips was like the sound of heaven. Armin was so happy, however, that happiness never erased his presentiment. _He has to come back alive, but what if does not…?_

            “I am really thankful.” Armin looked straight into Eren’s eyes and waited a little until he could say his last wish out loud. “The second one is… I want you to hold my hand.”          

            “This is…” If before Eren was intimidated by saying his name, that was sure even bolder and Armin knew fully well that it meant confessing his feelings. Eren was dumbfounded and as red as Armin now.

            “I know it is wrong and you are probably disgusted by me now, but it is my wish. If you do not hold my hand, I will understand. You can leave, then.”

 

            They shared a look. Eren didn’t seem disgusted by the wish, but he wasn’t thinking it was alright. Armin knew he was making a great effort to keep with his selfishness and, even if they were both nobles, they weren’t anywhere near the same level. Eren shouldn’t get that close with him and he knew it was one of the things that were keeping him from doing his request. The other one is that a man shouldn’t love another and, even if Eren’s face didn’t show repulse, he still wasn’t okay with it.

 

            “Why do you want me to hold your hand?”

            “Do not pretend you fail to understand my request. It is because I have wanted to hold yours for a long time. Please, just this once.” Armin raised his voice once again as he begged the other man to hold his hand. He was pathetic.

 

* * *

 

            Three days after the knights came back from their mission passed until Armin got the news. Life did not make any sense anymore. He knew all along it would come to that, the feeling in his chest that wouldn’t go away told him it was no use having hope, but he still did, and it hurt even more. All he had left were the moments he and Eren spent together happily talking about wonders and the memory of how warm his beloved’s hands felt on him.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> See what I mean when I say I have difficulties in writing sad things?


End file.
